This is not necessarily a commentary on your company's leadership.
User Profile stuff in 2010 is such a pain (although there are upsides) that I probably winced a little when I saw it. Fortunately, the solution is pretty straightforward and it's provided in the Remedy section of the alert. You can also find information on it here.
I did modify the PowerShell commands slightly.
$upap = Get-SPServiceApplicationProxy | ? {$_.TypeName -like "*User Profile Service Application*"}
Add-SPProfileLeader $upap [Domain]\[UserName]
You'll see the following after executing "Add_SPProfileLeader":
Run a full crawl, go back to Health Analyzer have click "Reanalyze Now" on the target error and you should see the problem go away.